It's been good, getting to know me more.

Spotted again. Either I dress rather conservative for the bar or I dress like a slut for work.  I wore this skirt to Luna's before and then I wore it to work yesterday. I think things would not look so tight on me if I wasn't so curvy, but that is how I am built, so I deal. That really isn't the point of this post. I am coming to the conclusion that I am changing, growing up (ha!) or whatnot. For the past few years, I have been "The boss", as in, I usually take charge in my group, not necessarily make all the decisions, but I push people through to make sure we get done. I think it is a natural instinct of being the eldest child, but more importantly it has made an impact on my life. In my five year stint at McHell, two of those years I was a manager. And I hated it. I hate telling people what to do. I make quick decisions, and they are not always right. I honestly like to weigh my options (I am a Libra dammit) I need to see both or all sides before making a decision. However, when someone else makes the decision, I will push them to follow up on it. For instance if we are going to Luna's on a Saturday, then I call everyone, make sure we are meeting at a certain place and a certain time and we all leave together or meet at a spot inside. When Kyle said that he wanted to go to OU this fall, I make sure that he has done all the paperwork that needs to be done, and made all his appointments. When my friend Brian is complaining about people being rude to him, I find out who it is and then I bitch them out. I do this mostly without even thinking about it and more and more I feel like I am fighting everyone's battles. It becomes exhausting, and most of the time I feel like I am being a bitch.

I am also very much a Libra.  I said I have trouble making decisions and when I finally make one, I have to stick to it to make sure it gets done. I pretty much go by a strict schedule because there are so many things that I want to do. The problem is, my schedule does not fit around everyone else's and it does not always mesh well. I then feel cheated or bummed out of I don't get everything that I wanted done, done. It can get really OCD at times, but it is how I function. 

 (Kyle thinks this is the greatest pose ever)

With all this being said, I need to be better. Better to myself and others. I need to set time aside for the things I like to do so I am not crabby at friends when we hangout. I need to set aside time for balancing my checkbook, cleaning my apartment, for reading and even blogging. I am tired of trying to cram in a post during my lunch break or before work. They come out so half-assed.  I really miss reading and I have not had the time to do it this summer, and I also want to exercise more and I only manage to get walks in with Louie.

I am also someone who needs alone time. I need to recharge before being with people, even Kyle. I almost always suck at spur of the moment things, unless I get everything I need to do done, then I am like "let's do whatever". Where am I going with this? I don't know. I want to do everything, I have to be busy in order to function, but only scheduling an hour or two with people can be rude, so what do I do? I can't really change how I am, or how I feel without being completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I just need to be better. Sorry for the giant rant, but this is my place to do it, I promise not to do it too often. 


The skirt earlier this week:

On a less whiny "gwah" note, here is my new favorite picture :)

Details
Top & skirt-Forever 21
Tights, shoes & bag-Payless

Song "Gardenia" By Mandy Moore